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Its been a long time!

hope everone is doing well! im down to 110-109 right now...I have maintained my same weight for about a month now..but i need to lose more...any suggestions how I can lose 10 more pounds? I cant starve myself, i dont know how...somebody teach me!


I have been trying not to purge anymore..but,..uhh..thats not going very well. I cant keep most food down. but I did manage to keep down two slices of pizza last night. go me! i hate purging! yuck! BUT BAD ME! WHO THE FUCK EATS PIZZA WHEN YOU WANT TO BE SKINNY? dumb dumb. have to do better...must do better...

restrictions restrictions restrictions..and my-self rules dont help much either anymore..

i just cant seem to get rid of these last stubborn pounds...is there a time your body gets to a point where its like, NO MORE WEIGHT WILL GO! i mean...i have lost around 15 pounds in the past 3-4 months..

it feels good..everyone says i look so skinny! friends I havent seem all year look at me and go on and on how thin i look and that i should eat a cheeseburger, AHH ITS A DREAM COME TRUE! i have never been this thin before in my life! BEAUTIFUL! but i feel selfish and want to lose more more more! One of my guy friends (he is gay) actually joked with me calling me nicole richie! haha, i deff not as thin as that ( i wish ) BUT I WANT TO GET THERE!

what are yall doing to keep the summer pounds off? hit me up..any tips would be great..
I am bulimic though..and its a total drag...i have been trying to become ana..but the transistion is too hard when your used to eating whatever ( and just purging it later)..


how can I do it? Help me lose the last 10 pounds!


anyone! DESPERATE!

love you all! muah! lets all keep in touch!

May. 21st, 2007

I want to put a knife to my stomach and just get it over with...




I want..

I HAVE TO..

Keep the weight off...

If I stop hearing the compliments: WOW! you look great! omg YOUR SO SKINNy! (envious voices of others)...then I will stop eating..

I have to hear it..its music to my ears..and the music must only get louder..and more envious..

Wish me luck to my victorious weight goal of 105 lbs,...must be there in two weeks..

WI ouldnt mind losing that weight in one week, however..

Any tips of how to get there? Sometimes I feel like me losing weight is at its peak time, and no more weight will come off..if that makes any sense...help a sista out! how and what should I do now?

love you all! muah!!!


WiNk;
L.
Long time no post,...


Currently: 110
Future (2 weeks): 105
someday: 100


I wanna be just like her...she is so beautiful..hey skin so smooth and tan,..her hair so healthy and long,...dark and beautiful...white smile, hot pink nails, flat stomach, long legs, and a back that has no fat...

wouldnt it be nice?

yah, it would.

WiNk;
L.
Girls, I have GREAT news..





Guess who is down to 114? ME!!! : ) I feel prettier than I did yesterday.....

Because I didn't even know it, i had to go to the doctor today and the nurse weighed me, when I saw that she didn't even budge it past the 20's line,..I asked her how much i weighted: You weight 114.

Best damn thing, music to my ears. Didn't think I was making that much progress... I can fit into my size 2 jeans from Jr. year of highschool.
But, of course, I still have about 6 more pounds to go before I dare put on that swim suit in front of others and my boyfriend..I have competition ,..and I am still barely there. I want to be 100 pounds before summer starts, but I kno that will not happen unless I have a daily intake of something below 400 cals, and never slip up. That aint gunna happen, but I can keepy it around 800 cals a day and loose up to 2 pounds a week...ill let yall know how I am doing with that.


However, the back fat is still a living nightmare. ahh. and SICK. wanna puke.

I did just eat a whole can of SpagehettiOs, damn, so good.



its been a while since the last time I have checked up on my LJ and everyone else's! hope all is doing wonderful! keep in touch, and please,..lets all give each other support now more than ever: Its crunch time.


kIssEs!!! Hugs! PeaCe and LoVe!
WiNk;
L.

May I kiss you?

Sometimes I wonder about how it would feel if I wasnt thinking about what's the next thing I am going to eat.. constantly..

That would be nice.



Compulsive thoughts dont bother me though..


It's my compulsive actions that bother me..




I've learned my lesson over the years, if I eat..then I'll get fat. simple.
I have a good thought: Why bother eating that half of a Twix bar, I know what it taste like, so why bother eating it? I have already been there and done that, throw it away...



done. and done.

Kisses, and good luck to all of us getting ready for swimsuit season!


WiNk;
L.
I'm just a fool on a hill...




if I cant even do this..then..







trouble.
Shit...


Note to self: Put the FUCKING COOKIE DOWN.

ouch.



Anyway, HOW YOU GORGEOUS WOMAN DOING TODAY? I suck terrible...but I have managed to lose around 1 and a half pounds, go me?? I am stingy, and want to lose more!! more more! I am super hyper right now , dont know why...havent got much sleep past couple of days...and you would think when your soo tired, you could apply it to eating and think: woah, I am tooo damn tired to even eat.

yah,...uhh, i'll work on that.


I have not much to say tonight! good luck girlies and we are going to look sexy this year's summer! my bathing suit is my drive..b/c it is a 200 dollar BcBG bikini, so adorable, even has rinestones! but the bottoms are a small (last summer i could fit in them) but now..they are barely covering my body. So i really have no choice, I MUST lose the weight, I only need to lose about 10 lbs,..then I'll be about 107. OR I can end up buying a cheap ass ugly swimsuit somewhere, because now i dont have a job and can not afford to buy another suit like this bikini! what woud you do? starve? sweat? feel the pain? oh yes, good call.

ahhhh! fat , go away! come back another day!!..when im too skinny and people around me are forcing milkshakes down my throat that help me gain weight : ) oohh, what a dream come true that would be!

and hey, the transistion from mia to ana hasnt been that bad! i mean, yah..there are times when I just HAVE to purge..but its less about getting food out and more about me not letting go to the feeling ...


you dig?
Later hoochies.




WiNk;
L.

It aint necessarily so..

I want to feel and be empty. Its the only feeling that makes me want to wake up in the morning..knowing that I can feel my emptiness.







Its not depressing, its beautiful.

Mar. 28th, 2007

Hey girlies,

I need your support more than ever now. I was doing so great for a bit, was around 115. Now i am right back to 118, dont know how. But this is it for me, ladies. I am fasting, I dont know for how long...but I am backing away from mia and entering the world of ana..I am nervous, but feel like I have prepared long and hard for this strong decision, and feel it will change my life and body forever. I have been preparing mentally day by day for awhile, and am ready to stop purging, and just plainly stop eating all together. Well, for the most part. I will be having an intake of no more than 400 cals for the rest of (what two days?) and all of April. And no, I am certain I will not give into temptation,..I know this is hard t explain how all of a sudden I can shut off wanting food and wanted to puke, and just go straight to starving myself..it seems like I am bullshitting and all talk. But I assure you all I am not, and to infact prove that I am seriously going to give myself what I deserve, a beautiful, thin, slim and sexy swimsuit body...I will be posting my pic here by the end of April. By there I will hope to be around 110-105. Hopefully it will show, actually..I know it will show. Wish me luck, and I hope all of you are doing great! Feeling thin feels so good..I want to feel good. When I am out in my swim suit, I dont want to suck in and be the chubbiest one in my swim suit..and this time ..for once in my life..I wont be. God bless!!

WiNk;
L

We al deserve to be thin and beautiful..and yes..this is beautiful.

To be alone with you..

Sometimes..I feel like everyone is high. and I dont smoke. But, everyone is on drugs. I am certain. We are all fucked up. and thats Okay. But I sometimes find it hard to tell whether things or real or what. Does that even make sense?---Who cares. Life is so fucking gorgeous. What am I waiting for? I am living my life too slow. sometimes too fast. I am in between at the moment--- I dont take advantage of what I have. Right in front of me. That should change. today. tonight. now.



WiNk;
L.